[Metal] I have a 3 decade gap in my knowledge of Metal, because of ADHD and Punk.
TLDR; A story about why I don't know anything about 90s+ metal and my plan to remedy that. Also, I am touching on how it was growing up with ADHD in a time when it "didn't exist", with a parent that clearly is neurodivergent aswell.
Last Monday, during our weekly "schedule to play RPGs over voice but it falls through because someone's thingamabob exploded at work", we got into a discussion about music. Besides talking about our favourite bands and eras of music it went on to how our tastes, wants and needs changed as the years marched on.
Deep inhale...
My own story with music begins in the early 80s when I essentially "came online" with a jolt of hard rock played on a buddy's record player. We had just moved towns (a recurring theme during my upbringing) and I had the fortune to meet a lot of kids in the apartment buildings surrounding ours. One of the kids, Todde, was a year older than me and had older siblings already in their teens, which meant being exposed to youth-culture early. He was really into music and talked about it when we hung out on the playground the first few days as I started peeking outside from behind mom's skirt.
The notion of listening to music as a pastime was weird. My understanding of music up 'til then was stuff like the Beatles, Elvis and all that Finnish choir- and Humppa-music that my mum listened to sometimes. Music was ok I guess, but it didn't beat Sunday morning cartoons on TV or riding the bike down to the sandpit and run toy cars down the longest tracks known by man (or at least boy). (Sidenote: The plastic toy-bobsleighs were awesome in the same slopes during winter. I ran more than one of them so raw that the weights fell out of the bottom. Good times!)
I got invited by Todde's mum for an afternoon snack one day and he was really giddy to finish the very Swedish fika so we could go to his room and put on a record. I looked at the cover while he fiddled with the record player and remember I thought that the dudes on it looked pretty cool. Especially the one with silvery stars on the face reminded me of a superhero. Now, I know which album it was and I would like to say that it was one of the good songs that I to this day love.. But it was probably just from the top on side A.
Kiss: Killers.
Somewhere after song 3-4 I was completely hooked!
He had a huge stack of the premier music magazine of the time and I was flicking through the pages, bewildered, as we listened. I found an article on Kiss and even more cool pictures. From that day. metal became one of the most important parts of my life and I spent every allowance, birthday money and wishlists on magazines, posters, a few albums and most of all tapes for years to come.
One of the best birthday gifts I ever got was the HUGE (well, to a 9yo something as big as your torso is huge) tape recorder with dual decks that was my present the same year. Dubbing the fav songs back to back on the whole side of a 90-min tape, recording off other albums, recording off the radio.. You probably did the same if you are a pre-internet baby, so you know where I am coming from. Empty tapes were the obvious choice to buy as I grew up. Single mom who always kept a job meant that we were fed, clothed and never missed out on necessities or the occasional ice cream even in the middle of the week on summers.
But there was not much else in terms of luxuries.
Latchkey kids, raise a hand.
When 1984 and thus Peak-Metal came around, I was already deep into heavy metal and had grown out my hair to a long mullet. Being a few years older at this point, I had started making some pocket money here and there so I could pick up a few more albums that year. I especially remember wearing out Maiden's Powerslave, Judas Priest's Defenders of the Faith, Manowar's Sign of the Hammer, Metallica's Ride the Lightning and of course motherfucking W.A.S.P.'s debut. Holy shit what a year it was in metal considering all the other albums I didn't even mention, but still listened to at least as singles and/or on the radio.
Our family moved again in -87 and at this point I had a perm and a vest full of colorful patches, some in the brightest of neon colors. Hair metal was one hell of a drug... While the move left Todde and all the other guys behind, I got to meet the friend group who got me into TTRPGs pretty much straight away after school started in the fall. (That's a story for another time.)
I had slowly started unraveling a bit already since a couple years, but early to mid-teens was absolute hell from a "me"-perspective.
On the outside, it sure looked like I had everything figured out despite the trappings of a ”dangerous rocker”. (Sidenote: Looking a the few pics of me that exists from those times, I smile fondly at that little dorky looking shithead.) I had since long become an expert in masking what was going on on the inside.
Getting smacked on the head by a couple of mum’s boyfriends, as well as getting verbally corrected every fucking day by grownups in general, taught me to hide. All my physical stimming, restlessness, tantrums and complete zoning out didn’t show anymore.
Instead, I was replaced by a character played by me, rather than a reflection of my true self. I ended up internalizing those sides of myself for 4 decades until I finally found myself again after I got diagnosed.
I was the class clown and the guy everyone liked. From parents and teachers to the nerds and the cool kids. I felt like I was ticking every box: playing in bands, playing TTRPGs weekly, racing mopeds and dirt bikes, drinking, partying, and causing all kinds of shenanigans. There was always a lot going on; my life looked like a highlight reel of exactly what a ”cool guy” my age was supposed to be doing. Always busy, always visible, never a dull moment.
Inside, however, shit was rough.
No-one "got me" even though they were my closest friends. I felt slightly alienated even in the midst of all that was going on socially in my life. I could never gel with the standards everyone was striving towards or held up as achievements. Today I have a clear understanding that this had to do with my neurodivergence, but at the time I really didn't know what to think of it. The closest I got to a revelation was realizing that the 'itch' inside me set me apart. No one else's brain seemed to work as rapidly as mine in the areas where I had my interests and hobbies.
Metal was obviously a major part of my life, but even there I had started to feel out of place. The bands I liked, I only liked for the energy they brought but perhaps not much more than that. I didn't live the 'rockstar existence' the bands sang about.. No drugs, cars, money, or women.
Instead, my reality was blushing at the girl I liked, riding a clunker moped to school, and getting drunk on shitty beer now and again.
On the "B-side of the album", I didn't have a lived experience about war, homelessness or fucking a dragon when going blind in Texas either.
As a keen reader (and somewhat of an experimental philosopher) already at that point, lyrics always had to carry meaning for me on a deeper level than just being pew-pew-yee-haw-cool-shit. (Later I realised that a lot of the subjects in baseline metal were mostly about individualism and that was the opposite of what I was looking for; Community, family and a sense of belonging.)
I also vividly remember feeling a bit weird when overhearing parents of friends saying something snarky about foreigners (being a second-gen immigrant myself) and the kids parroting it later. At one point I realised that despite our relative material comfort, I lacked a parent who was emotionally, spiritually, or mentally present, a void that clearly influenced my life for many years to come.
So I said fuck it all, moved to my own place and started going to tradeschool in -89.
Another pivotal moment for the young me.
This was the 'nth time I got my life uprooted, but this time it was at least by my own choice.
Freedom was great.
A few days into the new school I met Henric at lunch break and we started talking about music. He played guitar and sang, I was a singing bassist without a band. He talked about wanting to play a style of music I never really cared too much about as it was very rock-adjacent, or at least pretty tame in my ears.. The next day he had a tape with him and handed it to me with the words "this is what I am talking about, not rock!"
The band: Asta Kask: Med is i magen
The genre: Trallpunk (melodic, fastpaced punk with leftist lyrics.)
Me: **Holy shit, I am home!****
That weekend we formed a band, I shaved a huge fucking mohawk (at this point I had hair to reach my beltline) and never really looked back!
That first love with metal had faded as my reasoning skills became more prevalent as a teen, fueled by neurodivergence and the loneliness it brings. I found my forever-love in punk (and later hardcore) because the subject matter in the lyrics and the energy in the music reflected what I to this day feel inside.
So that was the history behind the topic of todays post;
Skald hasn’t heard any metal from the nineties through today!
Ok, ok..
Of course I have heard, and love a sprinkling of metal bands dearly but so much has passed me by completely. I couldn't pick out the band if someone played Tool, The Black Dahlia Murder or [probably insert your fav band that formed in the past 25-30 years].
Looking at the poster for something like Rock in Ring & Park 2026 is like trying to read the Dead Sea Scrolls. I have probably heard a hit single or two from like 8-9 bands on there if it's not some of the grey dragons of ages past that nowadays have to use a walker to get on stage.
Also the punk/hardcore bands obviously. (I really would like to see Terror and Social Distortion!)
So I have devised a plan to give this modern metal stuff from the 90s onward a chance and try to figure out what all the hoopla is about. I asked around in the chats I frequent for recommendations on metal albums that are regarded as genre-defining, before popular and before personal preferences by the one giving the recommendation. I then sorted everything in subgenres, importance of the album for the genre and chronologically.
Sorry if your fav band or album isn't on there or if you think I got something in the wrong place.
Wikipedia is a harsh mistress!
Some albums are still on the list however, even though they don't fit the bill perfectly. I added a few based on personal preferences from my chateés and a couple that are on my own toplist. Bands that are earlier than -90 and truly genredefining (looking at you Candlemass) are on there, aswell as genres I have listened to extensively, like trash.
Going forth, I will use the list to pick out a couple albums at a time and give them the time they deserve in terms of listening with intent and finally blog some thoughts on.. Well, I guess how much I like them. I'll try to make it even more worthvile to myself by reading up on the bands and albums for some basic-level knowledge. A couple friends will be with me on the same journey, so in a sense it will be a bit of "listen alone but together and write about it".
Your players for the series are:
Skald; "Punk & Hardcore for harder music. Folk, singer-songwriter, classical, ambient BM and Lo-Fi jazz hop fusions for the mellow stuff. At times anything analogue, apart from metal and what's on the charts."
Laangeman; "Music omnivore with a metal soul that loves anything that tells a story, ranging from the deepest dark to the most epic of epics. The record collection is mainly Doom, Heavy, Thrash, Power and Death with a touch of Black."
Weasel; "90% metal, 9% futurepop, 1% that one Ace of Base record"
Before moving on to the list itself in it´s own blogpost, I just want to mention that I would love to hear YOUR thoughts on anything from the list or what you think about the albums (and bands) that I choose every week.
Mail is as always: skaldsdrapaXpm.me
/Skald